A very common question that we hear from couples suffering from marriage is, “How do I tell my spouse that I want a divorce?”
When you are considering filing for divorce, it is not uncommon to be confused about how to communicate this decision to your spouse. Especially if you have a child on the table or when your relationship is not as rocky as you’d like to believe.
We want to assure you that there is no right or wrong way to do this. You need to communicate this decision in a way that makes sense for your situation. What may work for one couple may not work for another.
There are many ways of doing this, but one of the most effective ways is through a face-to-face conversation.
Talking Face-to-Face to Your Soon Ex-Spouse
1. Schedule the Time
The first step is to schedule a time to sit down with your spouse and discuss the matter. You should schedule this meeting in advance.
It is important that you make sure you are both on the same page about what you want and need from each other.
2. Be Kind About Their Feelings
The next step is to make sure that your spouse understands how much pain this decision will cause them, especially if they were not at fault for your marital problems.
We all have different ways of coping with the pain of divorce, but make sure that they understand what your spouse’s needs are so that they can accommodate them.
3. Offer Your Support
You should also let them know that they have your full support in whatever decision they decide to make regarding their family life.
This will go a long way in helping them understand how much pain this decision will cause them, and why it is in their best interest to listen to you.
4. Focus on the Main Topic
Finally, you should make sure that you both have time set aside for the conversation so that it does not get sidetracked by other issues, like finances or child custody issues.
A face-to-face conversation takes a lot of time and energy, so be prepared for it by setting aside a block of time to meet with your spouse.
Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash.
How To Tell Your Spouse That You Want A Divorce
You have already completed the steps needed to have the divorce conversation. We also have already given you tips on tackling difficult conversations.
However, talking about the divorce itself is probably still hard for you. You might not know where to begin first. Here are tips on how to speak up your mind about getting a divorce:
1. State the Truths
It is always important to start by stating the facts as they are, instead of letting emotions cloud your judgment and cause you to make a hasty decision.
This may help your spouse understand why you have decided to file for divorce.
2. Tell Them You’re Ready to Move On
You need to explain that you have been married for some time and that you are ready to move on with your life. It is important to state the reason for your decision in as objective a manner as possible.
You want to avoid your spouse feeling guilty about the divorce and having a hard time accepting that decision. It is not something that you made lightly.
You want your children to understand that you are not guilty of making this decision lightly.
3. Consider Marriage Counseling
You can also tell them that you are willing to try marriage counseling if they are willing to do so.
This can help both of you resolve any problems before you file for divorce and will make the process easier for both of you.
In some cases, couples decide not to seek counseling at all because they don’t want their spouse to know what they have done in the past or where they are coming from now.
However, this may be a bad idea because it will only make it harder for them when the time comes for them to make their final decision about whether or not they will file for divorce.
Divorce is a very difficult thing to go through, but you have to be honest with yourself and with your spouse about what you want and what you are willing to do to get it.
You also need to be willing to listen to your spouse and try your best not to make any hasty decisions that they may not agree with. It is important that you find a way of communicating this decision that will work for both of you.
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