A parent’s most important job is to raise their children, and they need to do it right. When they do, their children will become great adults and have successful lives. When they don’t, the consequences are children with bad behavior and a difficult future.
The thing is, most parents don’t know what to say to make sure their children succeed.
They just keep on saying whatever comes into their heads, hoping that their kids will grow up strong and independent. However, children’s development is a two-way street.
In this article, we’ll look at some things a parent should never say to their children. We also discuss how to give a strong positive message instead.
Photo by Daniel K Cheung on Unsplash.
What to Say When Your Child Has a Problem
One of the most common things parents say to their children is: “How come you can’t do this?” or “Why can’t you do that?”
Whether their children are still babies, toddlers, teenagers, or even adults, this kind of thing is not okay. They may can solve a problem that their parents have had, and as they get older, it’s important for them to learn how to deal with problems on their own.
We know that as a mother or a father, you only want the best for your children. The problem is that too many parents continue to do this when they’re older. They keep on telling their children how they could have done something better or how they could have solved a problem better than the other person did.
Why are parents so bad at this?
Because they haven’t realized that children don’t think as adults do. Instead of being encouraged by what they’ve learned from their parents when children encounter a problem, they tend to be more confused and frustrated than if someone else had encountered the same problem and been able to resolve it successfully.
Children need adults who can help them figure out what went wrong and how to fix it. They don’t need people who criticize them for being stupid or bad at solving problems when they’re actually doing the best they can.
When you criticize your child for not solving a problem correctly, it can actually have the opposite effect. Instead of your child learning from their mistakes and trying to do better next time, they’ll feel like they’re stupid and helpless.
After dealing with a moment like this, they’ll be more likely to give up trying to solve the problem in the first place, and instead, just give up altogether.
What to Say When Your Child Does Something Wrong
The same goes for when your child does something wrong or if their behaviour is not right. It’s one thing if they make a mistake on purpose, but it’s another thing if they just happen to do something wrong without realizing it.
It’s even worse if you start criticizing them right away, which is often what happens when parents see their children doing something wrong or behaving badly.
The way you should handle this is to make sure that you first tell them how proud you are of them for trying their best, and then, later on, explain what happened so that they can learn from their mistakes and try again next time.
This way, instead of being discouraged by a bad result, your child will be encouraged by what they’ve learned from the experience. If this doesn’t work then don’t say anything at all! Don’t put any pressure on them to change as it can damage their mental health.
The reason why this is important is that when children are encouraged to keep trying, they’re more likely to become more successful in the future. When they see their parents praising them for trying hard, it makes them want to do better next time.
The opposite is true as well, which is why it’s so important for parents to be honest with their children and tell them how proud they are of them when they do something right.
It doesn’t matter if they’re five or fifteen, when you praise your child you’re telling them that they’re worth the effort and you have strong beliefs in them. It’s the best parenting tip for encouraging them to succeed.
Photo by Daniel K Cheung on Unsplash.
What to Say When Your Child Complains About Life
When your child complains about life and feels like there’s no point in trying anymore, you should try not to get angry at them for doing so. Instead, try being supportive and tell them that there’s always a point in every situation and that they will develop the necessary skills to overcome their hurdles.
Then ask your child what it is that they can do differently next time so that things turn out better for everyone involved.
You could also explain why complaining isn’t helpful, which will help your child understand what you mean by showing how complaining doesn’t help anything get better, and why it’s important to be optimistic.
What to Say When Your Child’s Bored
Children can get bored just like adults do, and it’s something that you should be prepared for. However, when your child gets bored, you should make sure that you don’t try to keep them busy all the time.
Instead, you should encourage them to find things that they enjoy doing and then show them how they can use their free time in a productive way.
If they’re too young, then you could show them some simple things that they can do instead. Things like cleaning up after themselves or taking out the trash can help them develop a sense of responsibility, which will make them want to do more around the house in the future.
If your child gets bored, then encourage them to talk about what they want to do next time.
You could also show them why it’s better for children to plan ahead rather than just getting into trouble and expecting their parents to bail them out.
Show them how to do it. Children learn best by watching the specific attitude from parents. Give them something to learn from, and they will give you a healthy behavior you can be proud of.
Our blog, The Mindful Parent, offers more tips on how to raise children that are happy and well-adjusted. You can also check out our website, The Mindful Parent, for more tips on creating a happy family.